Ask ANOTHER
by ProloquorFerrum
Summary: The Purveyors of Magical Mischeif have decided to make an advice column. Could mayhem and madness result from their decision, or could they perhaps be out to give good advice... NAW!
1. Default Chapter

**Ask A.N.O.T.H.E.R.  
  
By BRi, Shanna and Amber**  
  
Lily leaned against her chair as Brent walked into the room, looking rather excited. Bell hadn't arrived yet, nor had Calista, but the boys had already taken up their respectable places right behind Lily. "Lils," said Brent as she set her stuff down. "I've got an awesome idea. I was sitting in History of Magic, and I just kinda zoned out-"  
  
"Not that it's not easy..." muttered James, butting into the conversation.   
  
"James!" snapped Lily, "Bugg-"   
  
"No, no, the guys need to get into this too!" said Brent, her eyes lighting up. "Well, I was thinking, we're such awesome pranksters right? What if we put ourselves up for hire, kinda of..." James looked interested and leaned in, along with Sirius and Remus. Calista walked into the room and set her bag down.   
  
"Oh no, we're not planning any pranks are we? It's only the first week of the school year!" said Calista. Brent smirked.   
  
"Hold on," she said. "Alright, so then it got me thinking, we could get in serious trouble if we did someone elses dirty work for them, so why not tell them how to do the dirty work?" Peter blinked and smiled, as Calista looked doubtful for a moment. "We can come out with an article every week, kind of like an advice column. And I've even thought up a name! Ask ANOTHER, with each of the letters of Another, standing for our writing names." James nodded. "Alright, so basically, A, would be Alyce, me, N, Notus for Lily (cause it sounds like a flower), O is for Oliver, James, T for Travis, that's Sirius, H for Hilda, sorry Calista, that's you, E for Elisha, Remus, and R for Ronald, that's Peter. And we can basically help people with their problems, with out feeling guilty if we tell them something and it works out for the worst because they won't know who we are!"   
  
James smirked, "I love it! I'm in." Sirius nodded.  
  
"Me too."  
  
"Me three," said Remus, grinning. "I'd love to be able to talk back to people without any backlash!" Peter chuckled.  
  
"Oh all right," he said under Brent's stare. Lily and Calista were the only ones left to give in.   
  
"We can't get in trouble?" said Lily hesitantly.   
  
"No possible way. Plus it'll be students helping students, Dumbledore'll love it if he does find out!" said Brent. Lily glanced at Calista and sighed.   
  
"Alright," they said in unison. Brent smiled widely and grabbed a piece of parchment.   
  
"Great, all we have to do is get the word out now," she said.   
  
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Thus we have the beginnning of **Ask A.N.O.T.H.E.R.   
**  
Go ahead and send in your questions. Act as though you were in sixth year with the "Purveyors of Magical Mischeif" themselves, as well as Lily and her friends Brent and Calista ((as introduced in She Said It In Latin.) Go ahead and chose whatever house you like, but make sure your name is **anonymous** when you ask the question, much like a Hogwarts student wouldn't want to ask for advice on something embarassing and have everyone know.  
  
_Please do not include any information from the future_ After all, we don't want Lily and James knowing that they're going to die, do we?  
  
Have fun.   
  
BRi 


	2. Missing Links

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Ask A.N.O.T.H.E.R

****

By BRi, Shanna and Amber

No one knew how Brent had gotten the word out, but that Friday as they were sitting in the boys' dorm, there was a small stack of parchment. "Alright, there are only six, so some one is going to have to team up with someone else-" Remus smiled at Calista who smiled back.

"Me and Re will," said Calista. Brent smiled and nodded.

"Cool," she said. "Well then, go ahead and grab a paper and start writing your response, I'll put them all together later and then they should be out by Sunday." Everyone stood up and grabbed a piece of parchment and started writing.

By Sunday, Brent had indeed gotten the questions and answers all together and had, had someone from each of the houses post them in the common rooms. The students were circled around the bulletin board, reading, and a few of them either laughing or taking notes.

Calista stepped forward and read the page:

__

ANOTHER,  
I've got this guy who has a crush on me, but i don't know how to tell   
him to give it up without hurting his feelings. What should I do?  
A confused Ravenclaw

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Dear Confused Ravenclaw,

__

Play the Jealous game, grab another guy and flirt with him in front of Mr. "I can't let go." He'd have to give you up then, and if he doesn't, then the boy is a stalker, and you need to talk to a professor to get some kind of restraining order going on.

Notus

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Dear A.N.O.T.H.E.R.,  
I have this ex-boyfriend who is a total flirt! He used me to get back   
at my friend's sister! I want to get back at him for all the hardship   
he's given me...so, can you help me form an idea?! I mean, I'd ask the   
Marauders themselves...but I'm not that brave!  
  
Thanks!  
Mad 6th Year

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Dear Mad 6th Year,

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Why not try Zonko's newly released Itching Powder? Just stick some in his underwear and watch the fun. Be careful, if used excessively, it could cause a rash, although... that may be better for the whole of your situation... especially if you got a certain group of troublemakers to get a picture of this said "flirt."

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Alyce

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Dear ANOTHER,  
I have this roomate that always finds one way or the other to annoy   
the rest of us. I have tried many different ways to show her the error   
of her ways. Though I think the Niffler in her bed only made her mad.   
What should I do?  
Out-of-Ideas

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Dear Out-Of-Ideas,

__

I like the niffler idea, it's pretty good, but don't let her know you did it, that's the whole point of pranking, doing something that seems like you would do it, but there's no plausible evidence to prove it. Go for drastic measures if need be, ignore her even. Or you could just do it the old fashioned girl way and "confront her."

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Elisha and Hilda

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Dear ANOTHER,

__

I have a crush on this boy that is really shy and hasn't noticed me yet. I am just as shy and am too scared to make myself known to him. Can you help?

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Sincerely,

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A very cowardly Ravenclaw

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Dear Cowardly Ravenclaw,

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Being shy isn't that bad, I mean, half of my time here at Hogwarts was spent being afraid of girls. If you don't want to do anything about it, then don't, I'm sure if he likes you, he'll come up to you. Unless he's really realy really shy... then you're kind of at a loss.

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Ronald

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Dear ANOTHER,

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My friend and I have been really good friends since before I can remember. Then, we got into the most horrible fight and she put a curse on my broomstick that made it fly away every time I got near it. Then, she decided it would be funny to throw all my underware into the boys dorm room. What can I do to get her back?

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Totally Pissed Off

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Dear Totally Pissed Off,

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Getting her back? Well that's easy, do the math. Toffeehairsleeping=great revenge... yeah, it's quite funny. Either that or if you want to go for drastic measures, lock her in a bathroom with Sniv- I mean, Severus Snape, that'll give her a scare.

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Oliver (by the way, I hate my name)

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Dear ANOTHER,

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Those Gryfinndors are really pissing me off. All in one day, they turned my hair from black to blond, they unraveled my robes, and they turned my robes pink right in front of a girl... well, her initials are L.E. These three things are not the only things that those Marauders have done to me. What can I do to get them out of my life forever?

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Slighted Slytherin

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Dear Slighted Slytherin,

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This is an advice page for students, not "missing links". Look for Professor Bell to help you in that category.

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Travis

Calista chuckled and looked at Sirius who was reading his advice and laughing. "You're evil, Black..." she muttered. Sirius tossed his hair back and smirked.

"It's the Black Magic," he said. Calista laughed as Brent walked over to them.

"With the response we're getting, we should be getting more questions. This is awesome!" she said happily. Sirius nodded and grabbed her hand.

"Come on, I'm hungry and dinner isn't for another two hours," Brent snorted as he led her through the portrait hole. Remus walked up to Calista.

"So ready for the next time?"

So go ahead and review with your questions. HAVE FUN WITH IT! Otherwise I'll send my mutant army of squirrels after your soul.... that's right... I'll have your soul. ::glare::

**__**

BRi


	3. More Advice

**Ask A.N.O.T.H.E.R  
  
BRi and Shanna  
  
Chapter 3: More Advice**  
  
Another week had passed before Brent snuck into the boy's dorm again with Lily and Calista. She laid down seven peices of paper and smiled widely. "At least the word is getting spread!" she said. "We've got one more than last time." She then took out a copy of the first and looked at Sirius. "Siri, baby," licked licked her lips before biting the lower one. "You HAVE to answer advice asked from you, even if it is from... Severus..." she muttered.   
  
Sirius smirked and shrugged, "his momma nevah loved him." Lily and Calista exchanged confused glances as the boys cracked up laughing.  
  
"I mean it mister, you have to answer the question asked you," she said. Everyone nodded and she sighed, going to sit next to Sirius on his bed. "Alright, pick a paper and go for it." Sirius got up and grabbed a paper, while Brent waited until there was only one page left. She picked it up and took out a peice of parchment for herself, scribbling an answer.   
  
The answers were posted the next day.  
  
_Dear ANOTHER,  
  
Let's say there is this guy that is so annoying but you like him and he is mean to you what kind of prank should you pull on him?  
  
Confussed and Mad   
  
Dear Confussed and Mad,  
  
Um, first of all, why do you like this guy? I mean, he's obviously a jerk if he's "so annoying." Secondly, the prank, if you really do like the guy, then do the damsal in ditress thing and see if he rescues you. Buy Zonko's Invisable Joke Powder, makes inorganic things invisable, spread it on the floor of an empty classroom, except for a patch of ground. It'll look like you ran in and the floor collasped around you. If he tried to save you, he's worth the effort. But if he reads this, you may want to get a different idea.  
  
Alyce  
  
Dear A.N.O.T.H.E.R.  
  
A certain Slytherin (stupid slimy git, he is too) and I have been fighting for ages, but he's completely humiliated me. He put Love potion in my Pumpkin juice so that I'd fall for Malfoy. MALFOY! How the devil am I supposed to top that!?  
  
- An irate Ravenclaw  
  
Dear Irate Ravenclaw,  
  
Why in the world would you trust Snivellus around your food? I'm sorry, but you are WAY too stupid to answer this question, I hand it to Alyce. (Travis) Sorry, Ravenclaw, anyway, go for revenge the old fashioned way, repeating the prank. But as Love Potions are indeed ILLEGAL (note to self: tell McGonagoll about this) make it sneaky, and make him fall for a really wierd, really ugly girl... like Bellatrix.   
  
Alyce.  
  
Dear ANOTHER,  
  
I am really shy and lately Lucius Malfoy has taken to poking fun during lunchtimes. I would like to do something about it, but for me it's not as easy as it is for the Marauders. Help me, please.  
  
The Scared Gryffindor  
  
Dear Scared Gryfinndor,  
  
-sigh- Lucius Malfoy, as a student teacher, should not be "poking fun" at anyone, tell a teacher. Not Bell. Bell is evil. Bell is the very essence of all evil. Tell Finch. She's Dumbledore's pet. She'll get Loo-loo in deep crap.   
  
Hilda  
  
Dear A.N.O.T.H.E.R.,  
  
Last week I woke up with my entire dorm COVERED in spiders and my floor had paw prints all over it. When I looked up at my ceiling it had a big 'M' on it. I want to know who did this to my dorm! So can you help me figure it out?  
  
Annoyed Gryffindor  
  
Dear Annoyed Gryfinndor,  
  
Hmmmmmm.... paw prints, spiders and an M. Who would do something like that? In fact, who wouldn't notice the glue on the floor? Or the feathers on the fan? Maybe the strings all over each of the girls bunks? Huh, who could it have been?  
  
Oliver  
  
Dear ANOTHER,  
  
I like a guy who doesn't like me back. I keep dropping hints but he never seems to notice. He really turns me on but we are really good friends, it is just that I am obviously really frustrated that he is so blind. What should I do to get him to notice me more?   
  
Sincerely,   
  
Disgruntled Gryffindor  
  
Dear Disgruntled Gryfinndor,  
  
Play hard to get. Ignore him a lot. Do stuff with other guys. Go out with all your girl friends and have a good time at Hogsmeade with out, while he's watching. Don't look at him though, that creates tension, and he'll know.   
  
Notus  
  
Dear ANOTHER,  
  
I tried to make fun of Professor Finch's accent in class the other day, kind of how that one Gryfinndor did in our first year, Brent Stafford, but since Lucius Malfoy is helping to student teach that class, he gave me a detention and took away fifty house points. What should I do to get him back?  
  
Pissed Off Hufflepuff  
  
Dear Pissed Hufflepuff,  
  
I'm sorry that you got caught. It takes a special person to make fun of teachers, and Brent is indeed that "special" person, if that's what you'd like to call her... others call her ballistic, wierd, crazy, psychotic.... anyway, Lucius Malfoy will be dealt with, believe me, if the grand "Purveyors of Magical Mischeif" are out there reading this, surely they will come to your aide.   
  
Ronald  
  
Dear ANOTHER,  
  
I'm concerned about Remus Lupin. He has to go visit his grandmother every month, and each time he comes back he looks extremely worn out and exhausted. I feel so bad for him, and I'm afraid his grandma might be beating him. PLEASE find out what's going on and get back to me.  
  
Worried Gryff  
  
Dear Worried Gryff,  
  
Don't worry. He's in safe hands.   
  
Elisha  
_

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BLARGH! REVIEW! I feed off of them....  
  
BRi


End file.
